Wow, I didnt know how true that post title would become. There are alot of different things going on in life and I dont know how to process them all, or if I want to process them all.
A new job which is going well and I feel as though it will open up new opportunities for me in the future. I'm getting ready to start back at some classes that will help with work so I am excited about that.
A new car! Yay, I got a new car. I am so happy, there were so many things wrong with my old one and then I found out the motor was going out and needed a new one so I am glad to now have something different. And this one will stay clean!
New feelings..this one has been a difficult one to figure out. I feel as though it will be a long journey. I feel as though I have been living someone else's life and not my own. I feel as though I am beginning all over again, trying to find my way through this maze. Some ways are dead ends and some continue down a path that seems to never end. I'm not quite sure where I am or where I am going but either way I want to travel and get there as me.
I'm just not happy with myself and where I am. This has always been a struggle even when I was young, trying to find what makes me happy or content even. Everyone says that you are the only one that knows what will make you happy and you have to do it yourself, but I still dont know what that is. For the first time in my life I have a plan. I know what I want to do. I have goals to move towards and accomplish.
So I am trying to do my best, I'm trying to experience this new journey with excitement and passion.
I am excited and a little nervous about tomorrow. I know that emotions will be stirring as I for the first time, put actions into thoughts and beliefs. I know that this is something I must do in order to help me through the process and I feel like it is the last step.
Next month will be a year and at this time last year I never thought I would be able to live with such an experience, but for some reason God has been faithful to me, even when I was not to him. Last year my entire world fell apart and I am now a different person because of it. I completely gave up on everything and felt as though I was becoming cold and emotionless, despite all the emotions that were stirring within me.
The last year has been the hardest time I have ever experienced. There were so many thoughts of what kind of person I was and how things in life can happen and how I was going to just keep living. Many days I did not want to wake up and live with my reality. I layed in bed crying and trying to talk myself out of getting up and going through my day. I looked critically at myself and found things I never knew existed. I searched deep within myself and found the true me.
Today I feel as though a new season and a new life is breaking through and I am excited to see where this journey leads me. For the longest time I could not get my mind off the present or past. It haunted me every day and truely took something away from me. But at that time all I knew was that it did take something away from me, now I know it also gave me something. It gave me a new perspective and passion. It even gave me hope, a hope that I will never let go of.
Lately I have really been trying to set goals and work my way towards them. In the past it has not so much been something that I have ever pushed myself to do. So, yay for new beginnings, but right now I am not sure where to begin exactly.
Personally, I am leaning towards two that I feel are very important to me right now. The first would be to really step up the self teaching and further educating myslef on child development and teaching approaches, pretty much anything dealing with the field of education. The second goal would be to find a place to begin volunteering at a few days a week. Somewhere that I feel my strengths can be used and where I can be appreciated for my ideas. Somewhere I can make a positive difference. This I would like to do while I am still looking for a full time job that I can really enjoy and hopefully still continue after that also.
Another goal I would have to put on the list would be to make more of an effort to go out and meet people or spend more time with friends. I have realized that this is something that I lack adequate time doing.
So hopefully these few goals will not only be something that I start, but something that will carry me through the years and lead to many happy, enjoyable days. I also hope that I am able to see some personal growth once my journey begins. I am really excited and looking forward to planning the next few days and starting to look into organizations that I can volunteer at.
A few months ago I was reading a book by Alfie Kohn that was about education. One of the more major topics of this book focused on the fact that many teachers have classes set up where if the children behave they receive rewards. He shared his view of how in the end rewards actually demotivate children and they have less of a desire to learn or cooperate with expectations. He referenced studies that had been done and how rewards effects children's behavior. Then there is also the comparison to bribing children to do the action you desire them to perform. He discusses the fact that children should learn how to behave without the use of reward systems.
Then a few nights ago I was watching Supernanny and I realized that everything she does is the exact opposite. Every episode she comes up with some kind of game or way of rewarding the children when they obey or do some desired act such as cleaning up, not fighting, or whatever. The only difference i can think of is that when they do disobey one of the rewards is taken away, keeping them from getting to their end goal. Discipline is also something reinforced strongly.
I am not completely sure which way is more successful. I guess it depends on the child. I am a strong believer in not every concept or idea will work with every child. Every child is different and is effected by different things in different ways. Why use a system that does not work for a certain child? You have to find what works with that child.
While looking into the topic a little more I found an article on children's motivation and emotion which backed Kohn's perception. It said, "rewards may induce a temporary negative mood state in young children that can undermine intrinsic motivation."
Anyways, random thoughts. If anyone has any thoughts or opinions let me know what you think!
Labels: discipline, kids, rewards
I am currently reading a book on education and it is discussing the difference in teaching our kids for the ability to pass tests by rote memorization and teaching our kids to think critically and through exploration. It has really made me think back to when I was in school and what all my teachers did or didn't do and I quickly found myself angry at the way I was educated.
I was taught to memorize and everything was drilled into my head. This makes me angry because now I am finding myself trying to be creative and to look at things at a deeper level and I am really struggling. I know that I can, it's just a harder process than I thought it would be. I know some people are more creative and can think of things off the top of their head more than others but I also believe that if you work and study hard enough you will be able to understand at some level.
Even in my first year of college I was required to take a class that taught you how to 'store information in your brain and retrieve it when needed,' how to study for tests, and how to scan reading. I have tried to scan read and it does nothing for me, its like I read nothing at all. I have to read everything and think about it in order to comprehend anything.
It is just at this time very frustrating because I just want it to all fall together in order and its not happening. I'm also aware I am not knowledgable enough in certain areas to even attempt such a task. So for now I guess I will put my immediate desires aside and start researching and studying more. I thought I had done that enough but today I have proven myself wrong.
It's time to reconfigure my plan. Where to begin first and then where that will lead me to? I'm not good at brainstorming, another concept I was never really introduced to. But I will someday accomplish this goal.
I feel as though I have no place, I have no significance. I am doing nothing. It is driving me crazy. Even as I am looking for jobs I just feel all the more unqualified, unknowledgable, and depressed. I just want to live, thats all, nothing amazing. Simply existing is just not working out for me, I need something more.
It just makes me feel like I will never accomplish anything that I have set out to do, or want to set out to do. Time is just passing by and I am still sitting here still doing nothing. It's so aggrivating. Now I know why so much crap is going on like people killing themselves after they lose their jobs, or going on a shooting spree. I'm not saying I agree I'm just saying I understand how they feel and it sucks.
Oh planet earth please bring us all back to sanity and provide us with all the things we desire and the ability to not screw everything up again. My sister in law plays a game with her daughter, if it rained...and they fill in the blank. If it only rained amazing job offers...if it only rained new cars....if it only rained money....if it only rained.
Oh planet earth why does bad have to exist? Everyone would be much happier without it. I also believe we would all be smarter too. That's just my theory.
Oh planet earth how i enjoy your documentary series and board game. I have recently partaken hours of watching, you are very interesting. If only I had as many layers of goodness.
Alright listen up all you so called parents. I have no idea why you can't comprehend simple concepts but its time to begin so the world doesn't simply collapse because of your stupidity. Obviously no one has informed you of normal parental behavior and how to achieve such a goal but I will gladly help you along.
First, it is time to stop babying your kids. I don't care if their 2 or 10. There is no reason to talk to your child like a plastic baby doll or new puppy. They are, believe it or not, human just like some of you. They have the same feelings and concerns but just not the same ability to express them. And realize if you do talk to your kids this way you are actually stalling their emotional, social, and cognitive development along with making yourself look like an idiot. Another normal behavior is to actually have your children sleep in their own bed, not with a or both parents, especially when they are older. It's a pretty simple concept to grasp: if you treat your child like a baby they will act like a baby, even if they are 12. And we can all know that no one wants that.
What most parents fail to realize or not care about is that when you have a kid you are now responsible to raise and teach that child. To prepare them for life not just a day or event. Teachers have to have training and an understanding of teaching so why don't parents? Why are the parents allowed to just be stupid or not care about their child's future.
Seriously people is it that difficult to read some articles, suscribe to some magazines or study online about child development, i dont know maybe during the nine months your pregnant? Oh no but no one wants to "need" help. Everyone wants to do it on their own and they seem to know exactly how to raise a child. I'm sure that has nothing to do with how our kids act today.
Another area that needs to be adressed is discipline. Now I'm not going to be the one to tell you how to discipline your child but I will say that it needs to be done in some way or another. There are many options to choose from so just pick something and if it doesn't seem to work after a few weeks then try something else. But if you do absolutely nothing to discipline your child and you ignore their behavior then someone needs to slap you. Stop being lazy and do something!
Stupidity drives me crazy, especially when it involves parents and their kids. I know raising a child is by no means easy but does require some amount of common sense. So if your a complete idiot, save us all and do not reproduce.
